ASK ABDI: IS IMPULSIVITY GOOD OR BAD?

QUESTION: I'd like to know more about impulsivity. I am naturally an impulsive person, but this is proving to be a source of trouble in the workplace. How good vs. bad is it to be impulsive?

ANSWER: Impulsiveness is not a matter of "good or bad" but rather what the consequences are. You say that it is "proving to be a source of trouble in the workplace” - so it seems there are unwanted consequences to that unexamined behavior for you. Also, the words "naturally an impulsive person" need to be questioned. This can mean that you just happen to behave like this, or there is some kind of genetic trait that has made you react this way. But there can be other root causes that lead to this kind of behavior as well. So it may be worth your while to look deeper into your childhood and upbringing to determine any unexamined traumas that could have led to this kind of impulsive behavior.

Impulsiveness can be a blanket we throw on top of ourselves to repress certain uncomfortable feelings. Anxiety can and usually does play a big role in impulsive behavior. The inability to tolerate certain emotions can lead to specific ways of behaving in order to keep the emotions at bay. The consequences of acting impulsively (as you are finding out) can certainly lead to external reactions that help to mask our own internal anxiety: other people's intense reactions can and do override our own anxiety. So the drama outside numbs the anxiety inside. Impulsive behavior in adults can also be linked to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), so look into that as well. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a wonderful tool if you do feel you are dealing with ADHD. Sitting with someone who has experience with impulsive behavior can help you sort your way.

Mindfulness can be a useful tool, as well. Learning how to be in the present moment and practicing self-observation (without judgment) can be beneficial in helping you reel in this behavior. This practice can help you become aware of the inner dialogue that is unconscious presently yet leads to unwanted behavior. In order to challenge those thoughts and inner voices, you first need to become aware of them.

Lastly, getting your nervous system to calm down can also be helpful. Mindfulness can certainly help, but practicing any mental or physical activity that brings on relaxation will also assist you. So practices like yoga, T'ai Chi, or deep breathing would be indicated in addressing this condition. Learning to tolerate our ever-changing internal landscape is no easy feat. Tend to yourself as you dig into the root cause of your behavior.