ASK ABDI: HOW TO BE AVAILABLE AGAIN PROFESSIONALLY TO SOME, BUT NOT ALL?

QUESTION: Dear Abdi, if you could please share some of your insights about the following, I would be most grateful.

I practice astrology professionally. However several years ago, I closed my schedule and stopped offering appointments, and have been in a prolonged sabbatical. This decision came during a time of major transition and revelations in various other areas of life. Among the destabilizing life events was the passing away of my elderly mother. More shockingly though, and coinciding closely with this death of a parent, was my realization near the end of her life that she was textbook personality-disordered and covertly abusive. This realization happened at a time when I was overseeing her care. Quietly, I did painful psychological work, in efforts to separate her complicated personality from the fact that she was a frail, dying human who simply required help.

Most recently, following all of these events, in the past year I have relocated to a different country. Now in recent months, I have more inner reserves and inner bandwidth, where it is starting to feel time to work with clients again. I read your A Healer’s Handbook about two years ago. Thank you for this resource. It was most helpful for developing deeper discernment around some of the issues that I make ongoing efforts to unravel.

There feels a strong inner need to approach my work differently than before, however I’m not yet fully sure what this means. Previously, I was attracting a number of clients who pushed boundaries in various ways. This was a reflection of my burdened inner state and my own weak boundaries that mirrored my upbringing. I used to be self-identified as one who didn’t mind being in the trenches, and fielding any kind of question or client concerns.

Can you please offer insight on how to confidently yet carefully re-open this door, end some incompatible long-time client relationships with compassion and clarity, and be available again professionally to some, but not all?

ANSWER: Many of us come to be healers specifically because of our early childhood wounding. The fact that you see your wounding with your deceased parent gives you a more clear vision of what you are up against. Until one becomes conscious of this fact, our unconscious is utterly blind to this pattern with those we interact with. More intensely, our unconscious seeks these interactions as a way of healing buried material but the conscious mind is not privy to this fact.

Good on you having heard the inner voice and stopping when you needed to stop. That same voice is calling you back in. Listen to it as you re-enter the work. Our enlightenment is intertwined with those whom we care for. You now know your patterns. Pay attention. Set strict internal boundaries and do your best not to cross them. At the same time make room for your humanity. To allow oneself deep injury from the abuse of another does not bring healing for either party as you have witnessed firsthand. Build a referral system. If you feel someone is not a good fit, refer them out. That is the most compassionate act for both of you.

As you start your practice up again, remember that the way you handle yourself is as important for your own healing as it is for the person you are offering your service to. Done consciously, it will be a win-win situation. Did I mention to make room for your humanity?