ASK ABDI: WHAT CAN I DO IF I DO NOT WANT TO CONTINUE WITH WHAT EXISTENCE MEANS?

QUESTION: In 2019, I had what could be called an “encounter with the truth” or an “extension of consciousness”. What happened is that I am not interested in anything of what existence means - whether to live, to simply be content in the fleshly world, or to engage in spiritual practices to evolve or ascend to higher levels.

What can I do if I do not want to continue with what existence means? If instead of simply being content or doing spiritual practices that do not actually have a significant impact more than personal satisfaction, I prefer to be stellar dust and cease to exist? What can I do if I am aware that existence revolves around evolution through different lives, but I just don't want it? Do I have any options?

Believe me when I tell you that living in this way, living “just because”, becomes true martyrdom, and I want to know if I have any alternative because genuinely I do not care for evolution, or life after death and all that.

I also want to clarify a few points. Through a person who has communication with the Archangels, I learned what my purpose was, that it was to “heal the people” - and it’s not like I feel unable to cope with what that means, I just don’t care.

Another thing - I have always felt able to do anything, I don't have something like traumas with my family, that they abused me in school, that I feel ugly, that no one loves me, nor any other of those types of things. In fact, many people tell me that I am very smart, that they love me and things like that, but it doesn't change how I see things. I do not want to live in a kind of “automatic mode”, to do things in this physical plane because it is imposed by pseudo rules by the social collective of the earth, called society - where almost no one who lives under these rules understands what it is to have a wider consciousness or to have a higher evolutionary level - so they will never understand how I see things, how I think.

Or the rules of evolution, such as that the third dimension is an illusion and that we have to go through a series of tests that we ourselves impose, that what really matters is life after death, and that although we do not achieve evolution or ascension in this life, it will be in the next, and the next, and so on.

But can we reach a point where, despite several lives, it all simply disappears? A person with whom I speak who possesses knowledge in metaphysics tells me that if after several lives evolution is not achieved, the being becomes stellar dust and practically disappears from existence.

And then there’s reincarnation; but until when? How many lives would I have to endure? Because I would prefer the simple cessation of existence.

I‘m 18 years old, but I ask you not to come to the conclusions of “you are very young” and “you have not lived long enough”. Believe me when I tell you that my evolutionary level is much higher than you might think of any other person my age. And I know that you also have the ability to see things beyond age, which are just labels of society to me and represent no value.

I would really appreciate your feedback.

ANSWER: There is still an “I”, and as long as that identification is there, there is work to be done.

The “encounter with the truth”, as you beautifully say, is powerful and life-altering. Such profound revelations are not happenstance, they are in fact part and parcel of the soul’s journey back to awakening. One must not confuse the invitation (which is in fact what it is) with arrival. You were served an invitation by your Self. 

I had a similar experience around your age. It sure is a mind fuck, to say the least, but as long as there is a mind to be fucked, there is an identification with the very thing that holds us hostage. I know well the feeling that you are talking about. All I can tell you from my own experience is that this deep jolting of the ego will bring with it instructions. But they will come one step at a time. Some you will follow, but most will be pummeled into you by life. The more and faster you learn to surrender, the more gentle it will be. Your sharp intellect can be both useful as well as an impediment. Keep refining your knowingness that arises from within.

As you know fully well when you ask “do I have any options”, is that the only option is to learn to hear and then follow that truth. You are on the right path when you are realizing that evolution, past and future lives, is just a self-imposed mental concept that limits true understanding. But you do need to go deeper. You are still confusing the mind with Self: there is no such thing as ceasing to exist. Consciousness is eternal/all there is/you are that/that is you. All that ceases to exist is the identification with duality and all its nuances.

There you still have work to do. It might happen in one second or take a lifetime, but you are on the right path. Keep digging. The only true guidance I can give you is that your mind that wrote these words is the prison guard acting like your friend. Seek the true you, and the closest thing to that is the space between thoughts. Keep dropping into that every waking moment. Wonderful that you do see the fallacy of all the ego-driven busyness we can confuse with our true Self.

Keep digging deeper. Do not stop at nihilism, that still is a trap. There is an identification with a “you”. That is the problem. Not this, not that. Make that your mantra. Yes, culture and society is not our friend, that is a powerful truth to know. That makes it even more important to befriend yourself. This path is not for the weak of heart or mind. Be grateful that you chose it.

The essence of Self is Love: not personal love as we understand but an active Love that brought all of this realm into reality. As this process deepens, one becomes less and less attached and at the same time more and more at peace. The feeling of “get me the hell out of here” lessens. Simple things become more joyous and the illusion of being in control falls away.

There was an impetus for this incarnation for you. We can wax poetic about past lives: bodymind tendencies (vasanas) that repeat and strengthen from one incarnation to another. That is what we confuse as “us” - but those are just words. Here you are. In full flesh with all its oppression. But this meat suit is also a useful tool, which is a part of why you are finding yourself in another incarnation. Sit with that and identify that kernel of desire that led to incarnating in this realm yet once again.

Learn to live the ordinary life in an unordinary way. Give grace a chance.