ASK ABDI: CAN YOU GIVE DIRECTION TOWARDS HEALING TRAUMA?

QUESTION: “What’s coming is going. The only way out is in. Sit with it. Notice your feelings. Don’t suppress your feelings. Feel your feelings.” My issue is… all I seem to do is feel these feelings all day long. I am like a walking open wound. I am not on medication nor do I self-medicate. Recently I began exploring the plant medicine world and am searching for inner peace and self-love. I am at a loss as how to heal. I am very open to my trauma, my history, my story. I could easily cry 24/7. I desperately need direction.

ANSWER: I feel your pain and my heart goes out to you. There is a distinction between spiritual and psychological work. Many of us mistakenly turn to or have experience of the first and think that it will take care of the latter. "What’s coming is going" is spiritual instruction, not psychological. That is like studying marathon running when we are drowning in the ocean. We first need to be on dry ground before we can apply that knowledge.

In terms of feelings, some of us learn to suppress them as a defense mechanism against pain. Others get lost and overwhelmed by unhealed wounding, which is the undercurrent of the incessant emotional turmoil. The awareness of and then processing of the feelings by delving into their root causes is different than drowning in them. When you say "I am very open to my trauma", do you mean that you have been working with someone who specializes in trauma work? Mental awareness of our history is certainly important in our healing path, but it is just one step of many.

In terms of working with psychedelics, it is very important to travel cautiously and consciously if we are living with unhealed trauma. Under their influence, the churning up of these old wounds can re-traumatize us beyond our original wounding. There is no panacea here; those of us with trauma have to do trauma work. If you are getting called to work with plant medicine, do it one-on-one with someone that is well versed in trauma work. There are therapists trained in trauma work that use psilocybin as well as MDMA in research settings with profound results. I would certainly advise against jumping into other plant medicine until you administer to your wounding.

Your "searching for inner peace and self-love" will get you there. But like the rest of us, you have to do the footwork. The ability to "easily cry 24/7" can be a part of our healing path, but it can as easily be a part of being stuck in our trauma. Do not go this road alone; there is no need to add suffering on top of suffering. Be loving towards yourself and seek out some help to assist you in healing the past. There is no bypassing our wounds. Yes, you are correct in asserting that "the only way out is in", but the psychological work necessary to be able to tolerate going in is, in fact, part of the process of going in.

A book that can be helpful in your recovery is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.