ASK ABDI: WHAT’S WRONG WITH FINDING THE OPPOSITE OF THE CURRENT SITUATION APPEALING?

QUESTION: After reading your last Ask Abdi post, I couldn’t help but wonder what’s wrong with finding the polar opposite of the current situation appealing? I’ve admitted that I miss hugging people and didn’t realize how much I took it for granted. I’ve always found the gift of suffering (aside from learning and growth) to be the tremendous relief felt when it subsides. In 2012, when my life fell apart, I remember finding the smallest things to be gorgeous (like an entire day without crying or an employee at CVS greeting me kindly). 

The person that submitted the previous question seemed like they didn’t believe in the hope the polarity of third-dimensional experience can provide. As you stated, this too shall pass, so what’s wrong with acknowledging that? I know your point was different than this, but they weren’t doing much to help the current state of hopelessness.

ANSWER: There is no right or wrong. We all have different coping mechanisms in dealing with trauma. If it works for you, then wonderful. That was not the point of the last Ask Abdi post.

Going through a painful event teaches much, as you yourself have experienced. It can strip us of our defense mechanisms and crack our hearts open - those are some of the gifts of it. It is actually the dark state of hopelessness that deprives the unhealthy ego of its oxygen. Extreme external limitation forced upon us can have the effect of stunting the ego and its ways of numbing. This softening process is what allows the heart to open.

It is the ego with its many layers of protection that defends itself against Love. Love is the glue as well as part and parcel of this “third-dimensional experience”. Jumping into hope without first examining our defenses is a waste of a rare opportunity for those that are interested in truly knowing themselves. The wrench that is thrown into our incessant busyness with having to shelter in place is a profound opportunity in a culture like ours to step back.

The point of spiritual practice is to break the habitual patterns of the ego mind. Those patterns are what pile on the suffering on top of the inherent pain of this realm. The bypassing of hopelessness takes away the possibility of having our norm interrupted. The breaking through of that ego-guarding is what leads to the beautiful heart-opening that you yourself experienced. So yes, the relief after the fact is wonderful, but there is a wisdom in the midst of the storm as well.

To sum up, I am not saying that we need to stew in despair all day long. But such drastic social conditions are a rare and powerful time to really face our predicament in this realm. The terror of death that we all have is actually the fear of the unknown. Moments like this reveal our absolute helplessness and vulnerability in a temporal realm. But that awareness and ensuing softening are what makes us open up to Love, as you did tenderly after your ordeal. There is immense magic in being fully grounded in the moment - no matter the external reality.