ASK ABDI: IS "RELATIONSHIP" FINALLY REVEALED AS THE NECESSARY STEPPING STONE TO THIS EVOLUTION TOWARD SOLITUDE AND FACING THE ABYSS BY MYSELF?

QUESTION: I find myself in a place for which I am wholly unprepared - having "subscribed" to a direction or trajectory I felt was "correct" or appropriate for at least 25+ years. "The Hero's Journey" seems to have been a head feint of sorts, as it seems I'm traveling deeper and deeper into the wilderness - away from the proverbial village. And that Dragon? I met him / her many, many times - and was slain many times over for my troubles and impertinence. Seems that what I now carry instead of "gifts" or new found Strength are just more scars. Seems that my journey is for me - and me alone - the rest is just so much bullshit. Did Campbell miss this? Or perhaps hide it? Or was it always thus - and my "romantic notions" thought there would be a great redemption and a triumphant return? At least one that was witnessed by at least somebody - at least one person? I have lost all my Great Teachers - some due to their time being up. Others due to their complete lack of discernment, and finally proving, without a shadow of doubt, that they were unworthy in the first place.

Is this the result of all my “work"? Am I truly on my own and is "relationship" finally revealed as the necessary stepping stone to this - this evolution toward solitude and facing the abyss by myself with only my wits and my hard-won Armor of G-O-D?

Now that I've "lost" everything, I am considering a retreat into the wilderness - into the jungle - because at least there I can "Hear" and "See" much more clearly, and maybe, just maybe, I'll find something worthy of bringing back to the village? If it's still there / here. Is this STILL the masochist talking? Any advice old friend?

ANSWER: Take hope in what you wrote, especially the beginning words of “I find myself in a place for which I am wholly unprepared”. This means that hopefully your wounded ego has been softened by your spiritual work. Hence it has run out of ways to hide. I feel your pain and exhaustion at what seemingly seems to be you butting heads with obstruction after obstruction. And disappointed with humanity and teachers “that were unworthy”.

Alas, all these seemingly “off” meetings serve the light and the call back to Self. As I have said many times before, even all “dark” serves the light. I have learned more from my many damaged teachers than if they had not been so. Their damage was a direct reflection of the wounding within me that I was blind to. At the end of the day, only we can hold ourselves accountable for our own salvation. Home is the final destination for all. So I am not using these words so you can further whip yourself. That is in fact “the masochist talking” as you correctly point out.

Rather, take a step back and take a deep breath. Get out of your head and all these words. Bless all that you have been through and be kind to the inner child within. Understand as I am sure you well know (but we all forget) that there are no detours. Be open to the fact that possibly you are finally softened enough to let go. To fully let go. Let go and give grace a chance.