ASK ABDI: HOW TO MOVE ON FROM AN OLD RELATIONSHIP?

QUESTION: My last relationship ended one year ago, and I am still missing that person greatly. I try to move on, I try to go out, I try to date. I meet many people and am open to compatibility. However, most of the time I find that people do not listen, do not engage, and only talk. The more time I spend alone, the more I value myself. It is getting harder for me to connect with others, as I find so many to be shallow. On the other hand, I can spend days alone, photographing, drawing, reading, writing. I would like to engage in another relationship, but am feeling discouraged about how to connect with a higher spirit who has traveled spiritually as much or more than I have. Any suggestions?

ANSWER: It sounds like you are doing all the right things in terms of taking care of yourself. There is a lot of “try” in your words (“try to move on, try to go out, try to date”) and much movement and activity. It is wonderful to learn to be with and enjoy oneself. But also important not to confuse solo activity with self-intimacy.

How much being are you doing? Just letting yourself be? Just lying down and being exhausted? Sitting with the grief? Disappointment? Not getting lost in them but just recognizing them and giving them room to heal? No need to worry about others and their narcissism, no matter how true what you say is. Just keep getting your own house in order. Tend to you own heart and allow it to open and heal without your willpower constantly stepping in and shutting it out.

Start feeding yourself with all the love that is in and around you, and keep letting go of the needy love. You have had relationship, now you are out of it, and at some point you will be in one again. The one common denominator is your own Self that has never abandoned you. Make good friends with this stranger you call yourself.