ASK ABDI: HOW TO LIVE IN PEACE IN THE MIDST OF CHAOS?

QUESTION: We have talked about my unconscious/somewhat conscious rage and how I am hiding in all these places in my life. I’m struggling with trying to find my way through all these places in my life that I’ve considered “train wrecks”: family, intimate relationships, work, friendships (lack of), my calling/purpose/fulfillment, spiritual practice, etc.

It seems that I create my own drama, my own issues, my own “train wrecks”. And for all the learning to “grow”, it seems that I am still stuck, if not moving backwards. Like you have said, I can’t make people "wake up", but man, I certainly try to force the issue and unnecessarily create more pain, more drama. Seems like the only thing that works for me is akin to a monastic journey or movement in that direction, but again, as you have pointed out, it’s another form of hiding, perhaps the ultimate form.

How to live one’s life with some measure of peace when everything seems to be falling apart? What to do/what not to do?

ANSWER: It is not a matter of doing/not doing, but being present to what is. That is the piece that is missing for most of us. We are so anxious that we are constantly trying to figure things out in a yes/no paradigm as opposed to just BEING, which is the most difficult. And the practice of being, in fact, will illuminate what our healthy options are.

This trying to fix things/caretaking/waking people up (family/partner), etc. is just masking your anxiety. The spiritual journey is that as well. Meet this guy you call yourself and give him some love. It will get easier all around. Instead of trying to buy or earn your freedom, just give yourself your freedom. People love their pain, why try to take it away from them? Stop loving your own pain, that is the ultimate gift to everyone around you.