ASK ABDI: HOW DO I HEAL FROM HEARTBREAK?

QUESTION: I am so heartbroken, I can’t breathe… and I am having panic attacks. All due to a relationship that I entered and all went sour. I followed my intuition and opened up to something that felt so real, and was. I am stripped of everything, and since the breakup I feel perpetually alone… I don’t know how to make this pain stop. Some advice would really help. What the hell am I doing? Why am I constantly fighting with life and feel like I’m just waiting around for something to take place?

It’s like the skin that sheds and is just clinging to my back when I’ve done absolutely everything in my power to get rid of it. It’s highly frustrating, you know… I’m so over it and it just doesn’t go away. Abandonment is the worst… it scars you for life, but I’ll do my best. I just want my new skin already! 

In any case, there is nothing to do but surrender, which I thought I was doing good at… until it bit me in the ass... such is life. Love is highly overestimated cause it hurts like hell too… how do I heal from this heartbreak?

ANSWER: I know these things are never easy. This trauma is old pain coming up to heal. What you call intuition is, in fact, old wounding and programming coming up to be healed. We get drawn into unhealthy relationships in order to heal woundings that are unconscious. You did nothing wrong, this is a part of your soul’s journey. This is how we heal. The darkest patterns are us scraping the bottom of the barrel on our way to becoming whole. You can tolerate it, even though it feels like you can not. The pain stops by going into it, which is the last thing we want to do when we are hurting so much.

So, here is your chance to stop waiting around. Grapple with this pain head-on. Small bites at a time. Make time to have a meeting with yourself several times a day. Just sit and feel. You will want to do anything but this. But this is the only way out. Make friends with and nurture yourself in order to heal this heartbreak.

I know it hurts, but it is not something that one can get rid of. That act alone will make the pain worse and stick around longer. Surrendering is difficult business. And this is not love, but addiction. Love does not hurt, addiction does. So look at that too, without beating up on yourself. Abandonment does hurt, but this pain is not from this person - but from a long, long time ago for you. Examine that piece too, where is this pain similar to your past? Because this is a repetition from your unconscious to heal old pain. The darker the situation, the deeper the healing.