ASK ABDI: DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE IN DEALING WITH THE DEATH OF MY MOTHER?

QUESTION: My mom passed away suddenly two nights ago. I was with her for a visit three weeks ago. I realize now that she was in a state so close to death. It was very painful and scary to be there and I did call upon you several times at night when I couldn’t sleep. I also tried to surround myself with other forms of protection and guidance. As I write this, I still feel haunted by many memories. I will be going tomorrow to view her and help her soul transition and to “face the music” of this reality.

Do you have any advice in dealing with this death? My mother suffered emotionally while alive. 

ANSWER: I am sorry for your loss. Remember that there is nothing more important than being present. There is nothing to fear, the fear is all our own and a projection of our own terror about death. In a culture, such as ours, where death is seen as the enemy and not as a natural process, this fear is to be expected. There is a distinct shift of energy around those that are close to death and this can be disconcerting to the uninitiated. This is not a sign of negativity, just a natural process that we are not accustomed to.

Go to this last viewing as a wounded daughter, not as a healer or shaman. Sit with her, feel your pain, the loss, and start your grieving process in earnest. No need to hold higher truth or be anything. Your grief will guide you every inch of the way. Here is an opportunity to heal what could not have been healed in your relationship while she was alive. And remember, this healing is a process and not an event. It has its own time and tempo, no matter how much we want it to move out of us as fast as possible. Be open to the gifts she can give you in spirit that she was not able to do while embodied.