ASK ABDI: WHY DOES SITTING WITH OUR SELF LIGHTEN THINGS UP?
QUESTION: When we embrace our density and we sit with it, it seems to surrender on its own. Then, something magical happens - it’s as if, and magically on its own time, it dissolves and we embody more of the divine. This has unequivocally given me the peace and freedom I have longed for most of my life.
Can you explain what is happening here? Is it soul alchemy in a sense? I would love your perspective and insight on this.
ANSWER: You are absolutely correct in your assertion that sitting with ourselves allows a dissolution and permits lightness to bubble up. We spend all of our waking time consciously or unconsciously fortifying what imprisons us through constant thinking. The sense of self in our egocentric culture gets strengthened from thought to thought, desire to desire, fear to fear. Be they positive or negative, all incessant thinking tonifies the sense of separation that is the hallmark of the ego.
The moving away of attention from the constant push-pull of the mind allows the focus from the small “s" self to shift to the capital “S" Self. There is initial discomfort in this, since the identification with self over Self is our daily practice. All the anxiety and reluctance to have a daily practice stems from this fact. As you have experienced, there is much peace on the other side of this hypnotic self-absorption.
I appreciate your desire for wanting to understand what is happening. Be aware that the magical happening, as you put it, is exactly because you stepped away from mind, thinking, and words. Why pull them back in? Words like soul, divine, and spirit are mere road signs along the way. They point to the destination, but certainly are not the actual thing. Alas, all words are lies in this context. Go with your direct experience.
You have taken some concrete steps. Keep moving in that direction, beyond words. Understand that the self can only tolerate so much of the Self initially before fear sets in. Hence the tendency to pull back and think about things as a way of getting back on firm and familiar ground. Instead, dive in deeper. Step beyond thinking for the freedom you crave.
You are that you seek.