ASK ABDI: WHAT IS IT ALL ABOUT?
QUESTION: I have gained a lot of wisdom and insight from the things you have told me and the healers you have put me in touch with. I have taken your words into my daily living. It seems like I have been going through this stuff forever. There seems to be a pattern emerging now, I seem to be doing really good for a week, then I seem to really struggle for a week.
The good times are very good, and the struggle still comes with intensity. What is it all about? I still get really confused sometimes when I am struggling. I have also noticed that when I am doing good and feeling well, my ego runs off into "story land" trying to claim greatness and make me feel different and special. Is this a sign of healing? What are signs of real healing? I have been sitting in silence every day meditating like you suggested - it really works. Is there any work you can suggest for me to do with the ego?
ANSWER: The back and forth you describe IS the work. The meditation is key to stabilize one’s consciousness so it weathers the bad times easier and does not run amok with its own grandiosity when things are going well. The signs of healing are a softening of our preferences and aversions to what life throws at us. Of course, we all crave peace and serenity, but life is not like that always. So the work is to internally keep the balance to feel the emotions as they come up, not to repress them out of fear nor get lost in them. Our struggle is the fire that cooks the stew, fear it not, it is a friend. We can not DO the work; all we can do is remove the resistance to the work being done to and on us. Feeling special is when we are the furthest from truth. We are all unique, not special. Big difference there. Facing the underlying anxiety and abject terror that we all repress daily is a profound practice. Keep on keeping on. It is a process not an event.