ASK ABDI: HOW DO I DEAL WITH DEEP EXISTENTIAL PAIN?
QUESTION: I am in a tremendous amount of pain. The developer where I live is building more houses, in order to do this - they are clearing the forest. Every day, around 3 PM I hear a horn blow three times, then a massive explosion (they are blasting the roots). A couple seconds later, I can hear all of the trees crashing down, and my house shakes. To me, it’s like hearing dead bodies fall. Not only does it unground me, but I have a physical response and my eyes fill with tears. I feel nature mourning. Even if I am not home at the time of the blast, I still get the energetic blowback.
Through exploring my Akasha, I discovered one of my first physical expressions of consciousness on this planet was in the form of a tree. I left that life because I was simply done. In other words, there was nothing that I carried over in this life to heal - like being burned at the stake or other traumatic endings. The place in Virginia where I live - I have lived here before. I’ve been here a couple times as Native American, and again during the American Civil War.
For years, my evening prayers include sending reiki to Earth, including the plant and animal kingdoms and the mountains near where I live. I started this note simply by asking you if you had some suggestions for better grounding. But as I type through it, I don’t think it’s about grounding. My being ungrounded due to the tree blasting isn’t the prevailing issue here, is it?
ANSWER: My heart is with you. Many souls have memories of deep pain as natives dealing with this kind of unconscious brutality with our mother. It truly is heartbreaking. At times of such deep pain, it is important to connect with the dream nature of this realm. Pull back a notch from the physicality of what is happening and connect with the absolute that is beyond form, that is pure love, that was/is/will never be affected by the motions and drama on the screen. It is the light of the projector that animates the drama, but is never affected by it. This is not about disconnection, but about conscious withdrawal of consciousness since being paralyzed by pain serves no one. Regenerate yourself by connecting with Source and re-engage from a place of having been recharged.
A compassionate life can be lived this way: when we feel too disconnected and isolated (which is poison to the heart), feel your connection with all that is, animate and inanimate. Someone as open as you can be over-connected at this level at times. Then it is important to pull the attention back and have relaxed awareness of the absolute, of the immovable. Of course, to only reside here would lead to a lack of compassion for all the suffering of this realm. So we dance between these two places and do our best, as we deal with the brutality of this realm. Your heart’s response is the beauty of this realm. Remember that too. We have been here, we have loved, we have waged war, we have brokered peace, we have healed, we have destroyed, we have died, and here we are again. Examine what brought you back into this Leela. It could very well be to heal this ancient wound you are grappling with. It warms my heart that you are here at this moment in this realm as a witness.