ASK ABDI: DOES FALLING IN LOVE WITH SELF TYPICALLY LEAD TO FALLING OUT OF LOVE WITH OUR PARTNERS?
QUESTION: Does falling in love with Self typically lead to falling out of love with our partners? I keep sensing that I don’t love my partner anymore and am a little confused with the whole “if I don’t feel I love him, is there an aspect of my Self that I am not accepting?” And if I am anchored in Love, shouldn’t I feel the love for him?
I am perplexed, as it seems that as I evolve in consciousness, I seem to be moving away from him. I have lost interest in sexual intimacy, but feel so fulfilled within myself. Any insight you can provide would be greatly appreciated.
ANSWER: You are comparing apples and orchards here. One does not fall in love with Self (I gather that you are using capital “S" Self to denote higher Self, as opposed to lowercase “s" that denotes ego), as much as remember it. That remembrance has many ramifications, but it is not a one-shot deal. It is a process as one gains and loses footing in steadying one’s consciousness in the expanded awareness. Feeling transpersonal Love is a permanent fragrance of that remembrance that emanates out, and very different to feelings of personal love which waxes and wanes according to circumstances.
We have to be conscious of when we use the language of spirituality to bypass psychological issues. To your point of asking whether awakening leads to falling out of personal love: one can as easily state that we can fall deeper in love or be less concerned with personal love as our ego is softened. There is less of “me” to get in the way of flow. You have to examine all the possible scenarios of why you are moving away from your relationship. If you decided to do so, do it consciously.
What you are asking here is a classic example of spiritual bypass. Spiritual progress can be hindered by psychological issues not addressed since one’s motivation for spiritual work is not clear. We live in a culture that has so decimated every lens that can be used for examining such issues, that spirituality is one of the last lenses left partially intact. And that lens itself is bastardized daily. So I understand your confusion. We have to take special care to clearly discern which lens is most appropriate for the topic at hand.