ASK ABDI: DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE ON HEALING SEIZURES?
QUESTION: Do you have any advice on healing seizures? My body starts shaking and gets panicky when I'm near men, especially if I’m feeling open or vulnerable. I don’t want to put the responsibility to heal me on anyone else. Yet, a part of me likes it. It feels like a drug - to be calmed down and comforted. I have done EMDR and it definitely decreased the severity of the tremors. I’m so used to them at this point, but it can scare or frustrate other people.
ANSWER: We all need help healing; it is not about putting the responsibility of healing on someone else. The willingness to being open to heal is ours, and ours alone. The birthing of our true self can always be assisted by trusted others. In fact, the act of learning to show our vulnerability to another is powerful medicine, as we all are so heavily defended in ways that are foreign, even to our own self.
Besides getting yourself checked medically to rule out serious brain disorders, there is much that can be done, mainly since it is this specific situation (being around men) that triggers it and not something that occurs at random times. This sounds like more of an anxiety disorder than what traditionally is considered a seizure. Yes, EMDR, which I am a huge fan of, is wonderful stuff. Learning relaxation methods such as systematic desensitization or brainwave/EEG biofeedback can also be helpful.
You have touched on an important observation, namely your negative pleasure around the seizures (“a part of me likes it”). We all can and do have this unconscious pattern around deeply ingrained defense mechanisms. It is a big step that you are aware of it, since most people are not. So the work here is to investigate this with expert help and deconstruct it. It’s not about caretaking others (“it scares other people”) as much, but caring for yourself. We all have deep fears of intimacy and vulnerability; yours is showing up in this manner. There is a wall here that has been built for some reason. Investigate it and see what that reason is. Trace your way back to the original insult that started you shutting down in the face of vulnerability. Healing it will help you taste your life more fully.