ASK ABDI: AN UPDATE ON THE PAST YEAR
QUESTION: I emailed you about a year ago explaining my fear of being honest with others. I appreciated that you wrote me back, and even though it may not be necessary, I just wanted to give you an update on the past year. I had come to terms with the fact that I never really felt safe, and I hid behind people-pleasing and fantasy for a very long time. I had an abundant amount of energy that I wasted in hiding who I really am. I’m not exactly sure where the big shift happened, but over the course of eight months - I made more money than ever before, progressed my career into a respectable position after 10 years of struggling. I put down the pattern of “dancing” that I’ve fought with for so long, and I finally became more honest with other people and to myself. Each time I valued the truth more, I felt myself getting stronger. It hurt like hell and still does, but I’m now seeing the fruits of my labor and it’s encouraging me to keep going.
The mundane is highly underrated, but it’s truly where the magic happens. I’m one of those people who have woken up in this world, but didn’t really grow up yet. Growing up can be more painful than waking up, and I think that’s why I avoided it. Thank you for your kind words a year ago. It showed me a kind of grace I needed to have with myself in order to push forward.
ANSWER: How wonderful that you have made such progress. Facing our self is never easy business, especially since we have all learned such unhealthy ways to beg for something that is our birthright. As you have experienced, putting down the pattern of dancing for our dinner brings with it much that is solid on the material realm. I am so happy that you are not pushing the pain of it under the rug: the fact that it can hurt like hell for a while to not pick up the old habits. The trick, as you are finding, is to get to a point where it is not an option to go back to the old ways, as they just do not work. Learning how to hold the newfound abundance also takes effort, as crazy as that might sound to our conscious mind.
You say a beautiful thing: that the mundane is underrated. So true. We give up much to incarnate and to live in the mundane, and yet we do our utmost not to be here for any of it. All our fantasies, all our striving and addictions, and many times even spirituality: they are all attempts to live in the hyperreal and not the real. In fact, the mundane IS where the only true magic is. The rest are just magic tricks - entertainment at a high cost.
Waking up is just an invitation. Yes, it can be exciting, confusing, and disconcerting in equal measure. But it is just the first step. There is work to be done to answer that invitation, otherwise it is no different than placing a special seed on concrete: it will wither. Growing up is what happens when we answer the invitation. We roll up our sleeves, tend to the soil, plant the seed, and nurture it. We drop what we thought we should be doing or not doing, and let the seed and its growth inform of us. Grace is such an important part of the recipe. And sometimes the hardest, as all we can do is to be open to its invisible, but immense, presence. Good on you for pushing forward. Blessings on your continued journey back to your remembrance of Self.